Sunday, April 28, 2002


This is very much strange, even for me.

Latest news:
Philip is Allan's cousin/bestfriend. Philip wants me back with Allan. And so he schemes. We scheme. We talk from eleven p.m. 'til six a.m.

Inevitable result. Philip falls in love with me.

It's disastrous. In fact, it's beyond that. I still love Allan.

But this is old news. Philip and I are okay now, thanks for the fact that he has no more prepaid and he doesn't call at the house. Which pretty much saves me. No one gets hurt.

Well. Other news.

Allan and I have straightened it out. Okay. Fact is, we have straightened nothing. We're acting like we have a relationship. When asked? We do not know. He doesn't, and neither do I. We make out. We call each other, we're sweet to each other, and yes, it's like we DO have some sort of commitment. But we don't.

Or do we?

I don't know.

I'm at Artelle's, which is, like, right beside the mall. Allan just dropped me off, and he's gone to see his parents, which I totally avoided. The boy's not supposed to be seen with me, and I don't really want to explain what we ARE to his overprotective mother. I mean, I don't even know myself WHAT we are at all.

I just gave him this ring... silver... it cost a lot, and heaven help me, I've NEVER spent that much yet on a guy... not even Janus, who, well, means a whole lot. The last thing I spent on him was this perfume at Penshoppe that cost a hundred bucks, tops. This ring costs MORE. And he was stressing 'coz the ATM machine wasn't working on his card and he wanted to get me something in return... Ha ha, poor guy.

I don't exactly regard the ring thing as a mistake... but I've been badgering Ate Abby to tell me if it was a piece of all-out, ekai's-not-thinking-again stupidity. She said it wasn't so bad. I believe her.

But we DON'T even have a relationship.

Do we?

I'm confusing myself.

I'm so torn. I'll be leaving Dagupan in a few days. Thing is? I don't really want to go... I want to stay here. I want to stay with him. He's such a baka. Why did he make me promise to go to med school in La Salle? Why did I agree? And why am I keeping it...? I've never been one to keep promises before....

He's going to college in Baguio. Why does Baguio sound so far away? Why is it creating so much distance? Why is it the reason we're not working this out? I love him to death, I love him to death, I will always love him....

Please. Let him understand that I'll face anything for him... And that I am nothing...

Without him.





3:04 AM
will you catch me when I fall? :: |




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