Sunday, December 01, 2002


no lab this morning. i feel cranky. if i knew i didn't have lab this morning i'd still be at home working on my exegesis. i'm envious. ant's done with his. i'm tired, and i'm lazy, and i'd rather write draco fic and go to town with it. and eat cheese sticks. it's NOT funny anymore. i want a break, a big one. i want it now.

i'm tired, really. tired of school and tired of obssessing over how to best write my draco. i stared at my PC over the weekend and various ideas came into my head, all brilliant in my opinion, but i was very afraid of putting them down, almost deathly afraid of them: what if people don't like it? what if people hate it and say i'm doing it wrong?

gone are the days that i was never hit with self-doubt about an e+t idea. gone are the days when i don't doubt about my writing at all, it was because i frankly didn't care what people thought of it or not. my evangelion fics are blood and tears on paper, this is why i'm not afraid of them. but going into hp-- it was looking at another world through inverted glasses. you can't help but get lost in them. there were so may things i had to adhere to, so may things i had to follow and do, and i have this insane, crazy desire to prove myself to their world. why? because i want to.

i wish i could float away.

i wish i could stop obsessing and start working my head off.

i wish.

i'm not.







7:56 PM
will you catch me when I fall? :: |




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