Tuesday, January 07, 2003


First, let me proclaim it: I've been demoted from colegiala par excellence to Cindewelly, scullery maid.

Explanations:

Both maids left on the third of January over some spat between them, my mother, and the whopping amount of four thousand pesos. Don't ask. It's easy enough to figure on the arithmetic table.

This abandonment therefore pushes the responsibility of running Casa Liwag on my wee shoulders. This is because both my parents need to work lest we all die and also because I'm not going to school and ergo not really having an excuse to get out of said predicament.

I have to admit I haven't done this much work in my entire life. I'm awake at five to wake Kotori et al for school, hopping an hour later trying to straighten the house (how the heck do houses... crumple.. themselves overnight??), preparing breakfast (so far the bacon hasn't burned... yet. The rewards of having nothing to do but stare at bacon cooking. Ahh.), cleaning the garden (I have never felt such a hatred for dry leaves 'til now), and then Kotori comes home. That gives me two hours-- two HOURS!-- to get lunch for myself and three other people. Then I clean my room, my parents' room, the sacred haven of the itoto-tachi, and keep Kotori from mortal peril all at the same time. I'll be clear five hours as long as the itoto-tachi do NOT make themselves a mess, then it's back to the lab for more cleaning by five. I'm down for the count by eleven p.m.-- that's blessed, if I'm not deluged by thoughts on the boy and his mindgames.

I will never be free.

I haven't had the time to even look at a fic notebook lately. My journal, once the haven of rather-corrigible insanity, is now utterly incorrigible with ramblings consisting of attempts to psychoanalyze said boy's behavior et cetera. I have nothing to my credit but a rather-rushed D/G and a half-hearted Evangelion piece that spawned only because I felt so lonely and I had to take it out by means of Asuka-Langley. Screwed, yes.

Yet.

I don't think I've ever felt this accomplished in a long time. Or even, at all, for that matter. This much hard work by my own hands. In only a couple of days I've managed to run a house without running into a lot of snags by myself. Alone.

And that gives me the greatest feeling, ever. That I can do all this by myself, without a lot of help.

And I wonder if this was spawn of letting go of a dream.

Maybe.



1:38 AM
will you catch me when I fall? :: |




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