Tuesday, January 14, 2003

When in doubt: Get yourself a haircut

There's something very freeing about getting rid of old rubbish: throwing away old essays, tests, books... discarding old clothes, shoes that don't fit, accesories that are out of style.

In most mild cases of getting rid of past... burdens [i.e; old flames/lovers/boyfriends et al], I burnt old letters, threw away presents, erased numbers from my cellular phonebook, and removed all traces of said burden from physical manifestations.

Lately, it's just not enough to remove everything that reminds me of said person, I even have to reinvet myself drastically.

And so, ladies and gentlemen, I cut my hair.

I remember the time when I broke up with Allan and I cut my hair. There was something very liberating about getting the weight off my head, both literally and figuratively. Something that makes me feel very light because not only have I gotten rid of weighty nonsense but I managed to look damned good in the process. Not exactly something you achieve in one hit.

I've been deluged recently with burdening thoughts beyond my normal human control, and managed to tie myself in very big knots about it to the point that not even the presence of my uber-'niichan and 'neechan were enough. It was a point in my life wherein I slept at three a.m. and chocolate could not get me out of my stupor. My mind entered comatose zone. I was unable to fic, to write, I couldn't even coherently watch television. The lowest point of my already low life: gotten myself in such a mess with some guy who didn't even deserve to be thought about in such great lengths of time due to the fact that a.) said guy is a bastard who has a girlfriend and still ahs the audacity to try and get with me & b.) said bastard has utter nerve to use his knowledge of me having a crush on him to spite me to no end with his having a girlfriend.

And then cousin of aforementioned bastard boi confesses that he has feelings for me while in a fit of drunkenness. It sounds strangely familiar.

I think Chelle-chama put it most succinctly when she said: "I give up. I will never understand." I've been tying myself up in numerous knots over numerous issues on boi, boi's cousin, ex-boyfriend, the singer and the loner that I've managed to drive myself half-insane and almots catatonic because I thought I could overcome the impossible. ("The impossible only takes a little longer", said Sheldon once)

I can't.

So I say, and I say it well: I GIVE UP. I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND.

Getting myself a new hairdo, a semi-new wardrobe, a new cellphone (Yes, it's a Nokia 8250. Hwee.) and a whole new life outlook might just change my luck this year.

IF I can somehow get all the bois out of my hair first.

2:01 AM
will you catch me when I fall? :: |

this girl
named Ekai Ungson
find here
or here
or here
or here

listen to the static
"Wonder" - Megan McCauley
"Everyone is Wrong" - The Donnas
"You and Me" - Lifehouse
"Blind" - Lifehouse
"Lonely No More" - Rob Thomas
"Akap" - Imago
"The Difference" - Matchbox Twenty
"Extraordinary" - Liz Phair


angel wings
M. Connie
Ka Edong

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