Sunday, February 16, 2003
A two days' worth of blog posts for the masses' pleasure.
Tuesday, February 11th
I know lately all I rant in here about is my a.) love life or b.) utter lack thereof. I even think I'm beginning to sound tedious. And repetitive.
I think it's the sheer absence of something to obsess about; I have no grades to look at, no family problems to speak of [except those any more than usual], no very big cataclysmic happenings. It's these times I wonder-- am I a masochist after all?
I think I got used to fixing so much-- that is, fixing my life and in lieu of that fixing other people as well-- that the sheer absence of something to do drives me stir crazy. When I was in high school, I used to think that I hated being deluged by so many things at the same time. And then when I got to college, not only did I have to deal with failing grades and course uncertainties, I had friends who had issues. And then _I_ had issues.
Now that all I do is sit at home and stare at my PC screen, with utter lack of human contact and communication save for my cellular phone, I seriously think I'm languishing in the absence of despair. Issues have now morphed into something I'm extremely used to deal with, and now that I have to operate without it, now that I live the easy life, I miss it.
Which is why. Every little thing, no matter how mundane, is stretched to the hilt by me going on general histrionics. Even things I don't even have to worry about. Like K's brother (yes, it WAS the brother. The one with the _pregnant_ girlfriend.) dropping hints the sizes of rather young elephants (just like his brother) and never giving me straight answers when I ask questions (just like his brother). Do they really think I'm that stupid?
I am happy with the pantheon and its extension. I don't think I've ever been quite happier in my life with friends like these who never fail to make me laugh. [update on pantheon sisters: Harle has invited the extended pantheon to sleep over on Valentines'. Saves us the trouble of dates. Who the hell needs men anyway?? Especially since Bell's mom is SO cool, she's getting us chocolate. And junk food. And liquor-- yes, liquor, to drink when we sleep over. That's one cool lady. Yeah.]
Last night, in an episode of histrionics brought about by sheer craziness [because K's bro was sending me SMS and he was being weird. I know these things. I know what weird is and I know what weird _weird_ is. It's when guys I know are about to spill in the next few days. It's not funny. I called codename: Sentaro. It was around nine, basically around the time he went to sleep, and he halted everything just so he can talk me out of all-'round insanity. He's really sweet that way. [gush alert]
I keep telling Harle and Urd-'nee: "All I want in my life is a guy who will protect me, and not the other way around where I have to protect myself from him". I know it's silly, but with Sentaro I feel that way. I feel okay. Because I never have to worry about anything. Because he protects me. [end gush]
And then Sentaro told me that the stuff I was obsessing over weren't really deserving of an obsess. After all, it's not MY bloody fault that they're acting up that way. It's not my fault they're all idiots. (I mean, first K, then the cousin, and now the brother. GAH.) I'm only around and because I somehow manage to catch their attention by simply existing on the same astral plane as they do, it's not my problem.
But hey. Then what do I do, if I haven't got anything to worry myself over?
will you catch me when I fall? :: |
named Ekai Ungson
listen to the static
"Wonder" - Megan McCauley
"Everyone is Wrong" - The Donnas
"You and Me" - Lifehouse
"Blind" - Lifehouse
"Lonely No More" - Rob Thomas
"Akap" - Imago
"The Difference" - Matchbox Twenty
"Extraordinary" - Liz Phair