Thursday, April 24, 2003


dear ekai

there are far easier ways to live your life. paul is right when he said you take things far too seriously-- he was right when he said that you can't read things when you take them too close to your face. slow down, breathe a little, stop obsessing and enjoy the ride, instead of overanalyzing every single thing and dreading the inevitable end to be your inevitable doom. it's not.

there are certain lines on being nice and being mean, and being neither right nor wrong but simply being. and though it is good that you choose to prioritize other people's benefits before your own, there are finite lines on being good and being a doormat. yes, ekai, once in a while it is good to fight for what you want. yes, ekai, once in a while something other than doing the right things matter, too. yes, ekai, sometimes being wrong can make things right, and no, ekai, you don't always have to beat yourself up every single time, and then deluding yourself into tomoyo mode (that being "well, as long as he's happy i'm happy, at least i did the right thing") isn't always a good thing.

you should stop living your life in an endless pit of regret. regret that you have not done things as well as you expect them to be, regret that you have let certain people go in order to "do the right thing", and then pained yourself endlessly because letting go made you lonely, regret that you missed things because you were too lazy, regret that you have never, as yet, lived your life in the way you always profess to. you tell so many people to live their lives to the fullest, and here you are, regretting and regretting and regretting.

no, ekai, it's not too late. some dreams are still there for you to chase after. all you have to do is start running.

ekai, it is one thing to be careful. to be too careful is to be paranoid. to be not careful is reckless. try not to be any of the above and just go. run. you write about freedom, of liberty, of love-- and yet you hide in a corner of your pink room, away from reality, because you believe it will hurt you. don't you realize yet that hiding hurts, too?

run after that boy, ekai. now. before he slips through your fingers as many of them have. before he closes the door on you. the only way out of your terror is to confront such fright. it's the ultimate cliche.

or are you letting this one go, too?




3:35 AM
will you catch me when I fall? :: |




this girl
named Ekai Ungson
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"Wonder" - Megan McCauley
"Everyone is Wrong" - The Donnas
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"Blind" - Lifehouse
"Lonely No More" - Rob Thomas
"Akap" - Imago
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"Extraordinary" - Liz Phair


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