Wednesday, June 04, 2003


Retro Bloggage and Back-to-School Stuff

First: Happy Belated Birthday, Flip!~~ And happy birthday to my dear, sweet, wonderful big sister Belldandy!~~ *sparklesparklesparkle*

Second: GAH! Some very good soul dreew fanart for "Half a Heart" and "Half My Soul"!!! It's so very PRETTY! I'm looking for a host right now so I can show you. Wait.... Bingo!

"Half" series fanart! *sparklesparklesprakle*


Okay, now that's done--

I'm going back to school next week. This is it! *ganbatte pose* I'm definitely gonna make do this time. I did well the last time but not quite well enough. Especially helps that I have no language subjects for this coming term, so I haven't got a choice but to study for Math. (I HATE MATH!) Tutor me? Pwease?

Honestly. Last chance na 'to. I am not kidding. I've gotta stop drifting around without direction, I've gotta concentrate, I've gotta do my best, I've gotta give one hundred and fifteen percent! (I'm psyching myself up, aren't I?)

Last year's hijinks made me feel really, really guilty. And it didn't help that my mom supported me the whole way through, shelling out way too much cash for me to do as I please on something that might not take me anywhere. You get that. Wasting my life away as my mom looked on thinking I was doing great wasn't something I liked for a long time.

Thirst to make people proud of me. It's a complex.

Contrary to popular belief I'm not in nursing school to please my mom, although that helps, too. I'm here to get my life some direction, something I haven't had for a long time. I remember being in high school, preparing for graduation, going to entrance exams and filling up application forms with absolutely no idea what I wanted to do with my life. My friends were talking about what they wanted to take and I stood there dumbly watching them talk and realized, quite suddenly, that I didn't have any ambition.

Which makes me sick because I hate not having control over my life. How could I control my life when I didn't know what to do with it in the first place?

This thing I'm taking gives me a set path to follow, at the very least, it'll do me some good (enough good to hopefully get to the United States and work there enough to send my siblings to Harvard-- naks), and it's sensible and stable.

There's nothing wrong with what I'm doing, right?

And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what, I'm gonna keep it real
It's time for me to do it on my own...


~~

I was supposed to go out with Squall for lunch today, and see the gang, but dah-- my mother the genius prevented me from doing so. So I'm stuck at home. I won't miss Shaman King, but I won't see my friends either.

Weeeeell I didn't wanna risk it. If I snuck out and got caught I'd be serving prison time that'd prevent me from going to Belldandy-'neesan's bash on Friday night. There will be other times-- hopefully my Wed sched's free. DAH.

[Speaking of which-- when I asked my mom if I could go to aforementioned dinner, it was criminally easy because she said okay straight off. It makes me suspicious.]

My mom's being very lenient lately-- something that might be because I'm eighteen, or maybe she thinks I'm responsible enough now. It's... freaky, because my mom and dad are the Lord and Lady High Banana of the Paranoid. I walk in at seven p.m. a year ago and she would have my head. So this is a little disconcerting.

And it makes me wanna be a whole lot more responsible so I can go out more.

Damn, I think I just got it.

~~

I should probably pay more attention to my surroundings, because I might be missing something.

New school = new guys + Squall and Sentaro both in La Salle = hwoa. It kind of sorta helps that Squall's in La Salle right now specifically because he wanted to follow me (which is still kind of the same thing even if I'm at Manila Doctor's because... it's just an LRT ride away).

That's not something a guy would do for you every day.

*blink* Squall's been following me 'round for years. Four years, to be precise, since we met in Tagaytay Royale Country Club. He's a pretty... devoted guy. Who almost scares me to a certain extent because there has been a whole load of stuff he's done for me-- way, way too much than any other guy (what do you expect in four solid years?). It's disconcerting.

This guy gives way too much than I can take. And if that's not a good thing, I don't know what is.

So. I guess the whole world can just wait and see because even I don't know where this thing's going, and I'm the Goddess of the Future. This is the first time Squall and I are going to be seeing each other regularly, and.

Please God, just make this thing okay. Not all right, not work, just make it be okay. This guy is WAY too good for me, I already know, and... I just don't want things to mess up the way they usually do. This guy's wonderful. Just... just don't let us be both victims of circumstance again, don't let the world mess up around us again. Okay?

Shu yo tane mo shikake mo naikoto wo yurushi kudasai...


Courage see me through
Heart I'm trusting you
On this journey...


12:32 AM
will you catch me when I fall? :: |




this girl
named Ekai Ungson
find here
or here
or here
or here


listen to the static
"Wonder" - Megan McCauley
"Everyone is Wrong" - The Donnas
"You and Me" - Lifehouse
"Blind" - Lifehouse
"Lonely No More" - Rob Thomas
"Akap" - Imago
"The Difference" - Matchbox Twenty
"Extraordinary" - Liz Phair


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