Thursday, September 04, 2003


BLINK.

.....

Okay. 45 seconds of silence there, then. Which is a lot. I'm trying to figure out the best way I can put this into words, and have come out with, well, nil. So here goes nothing, then.

I know I don't deserve to talk, or complain or, you know. Something. But hey, I'm here. I might as well start talking.

I do know I deserved to be kicked out of the Circle. Replaced with someone else more capable than I am, someone a lot more resilient than I ever will be, someone who is, well, a better friend than I can ever hope to be to the Pantheon. To its somewhat ever growing extension. I realize that after everything I've done (that which is, of course, my own undoing), things are not going to be the same as they had been. I've accepted that, somehow.

Still, actual representation of it in tangible form hurts anyway. I guess that's what this is about. It's not resent or anger or anything to that effect (because, well, I know what I should and shouldn't be), it's more of... regret. Because I could've done better were my pride not in the way. Were I not a drama queen. I know I should have thought of this happening before I extricated myself there, but regret does come after the deeds have been done. I'm not making excuses for anything I did in the hopes of acceptance back. I do know that some people there will not be willing to place in me the same amount of trust they did when we first came together. I suppose, the point is...

I like to think that somehow, in my little way, I helped bring the Pantheon together. In the same way I tore myself asunder. Cheers, then, to Scarlette. May she bring balance to the Force that runs in the Pantheon's veins. May she be brave enough to carry them through. Strong enough to not let them down.

Be everything I never was. Which isn't a lot, come to think.

Kai out. I'm going sentimental again and I don't like it.



6:28 AM
will you catch me when I fall? :: |




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