Friday, February 20, 2004


i feel an incredibly heavy weight on my chest, and i'm still having difficulty breathing. i just got from a late lunch with charliedoggie, which perked me up, but oniichan has work, it is inevitable.

when he met me at powerbooks megamall, and enveloped me in his arms, i knew i would be okay, but i wanted to cry, too.

i did just that.

it was such a stupid thing, too. come to think, it's always about something stupid, because the cause is stupid. reni is so stupid. (no drumroll, i guess you guys are free to figure that out)

this morning, we were fine. i asked him if he was hungry, and he said yes, so i dragged him to eat. outside the school, he said "aren't you supposed to be saving money?"

i began to tell him that fridays were an exception to the saving because whole day classes tend to make me hungry. i never finished the sentence, because midway he interrupted me with a "blah-di-blah-di-blah"; he was making it sound like i was just making excuses for myself to not save money. like what i was saying didn't matter to him at all.

the immaturity, really. i walked, and kept walking. i got to the manila doctors gate, i got to robinson's ermita. i turned around and he wasn't there.

i go to national bookstore, let off some steam, and go back to school. i find the bag containing my lab things beside hibiki-kun, who was fast asleep. there was a letter. i read it, and promptly burst into tears.

it was a guilt trip letter. especially designed to make me feel, well, guilty. he said he shouldn't have woken up today, his morning went especially crappy, yadda yadda... i called my brother. i didn't know what else to do.

i went home without seeing him today. hence the weight in the chest. i feel incomplete, like i did something wrong.

but i follow oniichan. i have to put my foot down some time. and i have to be brave. and strong.

i know i didn't do anything wrong. so i have nothing to apologize for.


....right?


3:06 AM
will you catch me when I fall? :: |




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